Alright, we are going to take a little bit of a left turn here and talk about an obsession of mine, conspiracy theories.
Celebrity. Conspiracy. Theories.
You read that right. Celebrity Conspiracy Theories. They are out there, and boy do people believe them!
Britney Spears, the George Bush Operative
The theory: Britney was on the White House payroll. Every time the Bush administration screwed up, they distracted the sheeple with another Brit scandal.
The proof: On November 6, 2007, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline announce their split the day before a key midterm election.
Who believes it: The part of the venn diagram where Michael Moore, Britney Spears, and Us Weekly fans overlap.
Keanu Reeves’s Is Immortal
The theory: Keanu Reeves is an immortal soul who has lived thousands of years through a number of (famous!) identities.
Who believes it?: Anyone who believes in time travel.
Is This Murder?
The theory: The CIA murdered Bob Marley because he and other Reggae musicians were working to alert the public of the CIA’s attempt to bring down Jamaican Prime Minister Michael Manley.
The proof: An exhaustive High Times article which notes that Carl Colby, son of the late CIA director William Colby, visited Marley in 1976.
Who believes it: Anyone who is friends with Mary, Jane, and Anna.
Beyoncé is Not a Sister
The theory: Beyoncé (born 1981) is actually Solange Knowles’s (born 1986) mother. The Knowles family covered up Beyoncé’s early pregnancy by claiming they were sisters.
The proof: Beyoncé was actually born in 1974 because her family also faked her birth certificate.
Who believes it: The writers of Lifetime original movies.
Beyoncé Part 2 – She is Not Blue Ivy’s Mother
The theory: Beyoncé was never actually pregnant with Blue Ivy Carter. She and Jay Z used a surrogate.
The Proof: A clip of a pregnant Beyonce sitting down, showing her stomach flattening as she maneuvers.
Who believes it: That man who did the obnoxious voice overs for TMZ.
The theory: Tupac’s death was an elaborate hoax so the artist could escape to Cuba from his increasingly dangerous celebrity status.
The proof: The shooters were never found. Suge Knight was never hit. Pac always wore a bulletproof vest. The man who cremated Tupac retired immediately afterward.
Who believes it: Anyone who was freaked out by the final track on Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly.
Katy “JonBenet” Perry
The theory: JonBenet Ramsey was not murdered in 1996, and actually grew up to be multi-platinum recording artist Katy Perry.
The proof: Overlapping photos of Katy Perry and JonBenet Ramsey. Overlapping photos of Katy Perry’s parents and JonBenet Ramsey’s parents.
Who believes it: One guy.
Paul Is Dead
The theory: Paul McCartney was killed in a car crash in 1967 and replaced by a lookalike.
The proof: Playing “Revolution 9” backwards. Various song lyrics. Various album covers. Hundreds of other clues found by fans over the decades.
Who believes it: At this point, probably Paul McCartney.
The theory: Basically all celebrities are members of the Illuminati, which, according to its own website, “is an elite organization of world leaders, business authorities, innovators, artists, and other influential members of this planet” who are tasked with ensuring the survival of every human on the planet.
The proof: Literally everywhere.
Who believes it: …..
There are some of the craziest celebrity conspiracy theories! There are plenty more than we didn’t even talk about! One even involves a certain King of Rock…
Have a Happy Monday!